Come on...give online dating a chance Part 2

Subject: $3000 a month...

Body: just wondering if you could use an extra $3000 a month? let me know, i'll explain...

[sent twice at different times of the day...]

me: 2 messages in one day? this should be interesting...humor me, do tell.

him: take a deep breath k? i'm soo not trying to offend you so please dont take it the wrong way. so here's my story...I'm a business owner that works long, long hours during the week which leaves me little to no time for myself or for a halfway normal social life. Its just not easy to date and go out nowadays. You and I know you're getting bombarded by total tools, losers and donkeys on here and that dating is both time and energy consuming. I’m looking for a mutually beneficial “arrangement.” Nothing too heavy, serious, complicated or dramatic. I know its pretty forward and blunt but we're both adults here and who has the time to play games and deal with drama right? My work is my biggest priority not dating. I recently got out of a long term relationship and the last thing I’m looking for is someone clingy and too attached. I'd always respect you and your private life. I just cant do the "conventional dating" thing or club scene anymore. I’m really not looking for any of the headaches, mind games, or drama of the conventional relationship. You've probably got plenty going on, this way you can concentrate on the things that really matter or that youre passionate about all w/o having to worry about bills and finances. Who loses here right?

Its a win-win situation.I'm just looking for a "friends with benefits" scenario, no strings attached... see you 1-2 times a week, discreet, respectful, and safe for $3000 a month. I'll even throw in a $1000 gift cert to Nordstroms if you're interested. I think you look great...I met a girl over a year ago and we had a similiar "arrangement" but she just graduated and is now working for an investment firm in SF. Let me know.me: that's cute. good luck with your search.

REALLY?!?!?! WTF..............and to think my exes were gettin it for free all these years... =P

Come on...give online dating a chance Part 1

it's amazing what complete bullshit CRAP guys will email complete strangers in hopes of a cheap lay...i was deeply amused by this one and thought I'd share.

Subject: baby, do you like brown sugar?

Body: hi sexy let the line of time evaporate the stress of the pillow talk of x boyfriends and let me shine throught your window like new sun light to off set the moon light that has kept the currents of our love making at the peak of no return ....because i need you like the sky needs the the sun only find that friends are for ever in one day don't let it pass away like the seasons of summer,spring, and fall while holding hands admist the waterfalls with my intentions of getting wet i'm happy with just a hug and a kiss....i can't explain the way i feel like a child with candy on top of sugar hill waiting on the sun to set.and the day we make eye contact......

my response: HAHHAHAHAHA for reals?!?! you've GOT to be kidding me right?! who takes THAT seriously?! thank you for the laugh.

The Case of the Shrunken Feet

[10:00] Friend: hello
[10:01] Me: hiiii
[10:01] Friend: how's work?
[10:06] Me: errrr....im in a funk & my memory is shit today
[10:08] Me: because of a stupid non-working street light, i was 30 mins late to work, 15 mins late to a conference call & then i had airhead moments (big ones!) within 10 mins...
[10:08] Me: Oh and my feet shrunk...apparently I'm wearing magical thigh high stockings that make my feet 2 sizes too small so now the same shoes I wore yesterday are way too big for my shrunken feet and I can't even walk in them
[10:08] Me: it's not a good morning
[10:09] Friend: i wish my feet would shrink!
[10:09] Me: so yes...rough day
[10:10] Me: so the plan was to wear a cute dress to make myself feel better, about myself...and then i had the shrunken feet issue which makes me not walk right in the shoes and look like a retard instead
[10:15] Me: oh and i realized my parents were old last night
[10:15] Me: and that depressed me
[10:15] Friend: hahahhah you thought they were young?
[10:15] Me: and i realized that they were already married around the age me and my sis are
[10:15] Me: so they're disappointed there's no marriage in my near future
[10:15] Me: and THAT was annoying
[10:15] Friend: well it's a different time, my parents were married with two kids by the time they were my age
[10:16] Me: UGH
[10:16] Me: i feel like a train wreck of guilt trips
[10:40] Me: BRB im gonna see if i can make it to the bathroom down the hall with my ginormous shoes and tiny feet
[10:41] Friend: good luck
[10:47] Me: yeah *note to self* don't flush with my foot when i cant even keep my shoe ON my foot
[10:47] Me: *sigh* close call of losing a shoe in the toilet filled with pee
[10:48] Me: this day keep getting better & better....
[11:39] Friend: lol hahhahahah oh my god! you really should be writing this shit on your blog thing!
[11:41] Me: hah oh yeah, hu?....


Within hours of this conversation I got a run in the "magical" thigh high stockings and the strapless bra needed for the "cute dress" was pinching my side and was so uncomfortable I had to take it off and store it in my purse at my desk for the remainder of the work day.

Happy Hump Day.

Well hello again old friend...

I was talking to a friend at work today about some randomness in my life and she suggested I should put it in my blog ---which reminded me I had a blog!! [I will post the conversation in a separate entry] I was just reading my old 2007 posts and seeing where I left off...

Well...yes, I did get dumped the night before my birthday in 2007 and the morning after a semi-truck backed into my car at a gas station. It was a great birthday. Well, being the smart girl that I am [insert sarcasm here], I ended up back with the same guy up until about February of 2008. From about October-February it wasn't really a relationship --it was obvious it was coming to an end. My aunt died of breast cancer in September of 2008 and it was really really tough on me --he was nice enough to keep his cheating ways hidden until I was in better shape to take it. He decided to make the decision on ending our relationship for me by finding a Japanese girl on a website, cheat on me, and about a year after finding her on the site --I hear they are now engaged. Whoopdy-doo!

After you go back and forth with the same relationship numerous times and realize you've finally had ENOUGH --it's easy to let go. It doesn't hurt to think of the Japanese girl to make you curse the guy either. So...enough about that --here's what came of that: Single Life. For real this time!!

You have two options after a break-up: (1) whore it up!!!!! or (2) focus on yourself

First I thought the first option might be a good one for a little while --I met a guy that I thought was sexy, funny, amazing at an ex-boyfriend's party (an old ex, not the recent one) --wait, did I mention I was mildly drunk? He said something nice, I liked the attention...as they say "yada yada yada." I was so excited to have met this new awesome guy, so we decided to hang out again, minus the alcohol --I wore a super cute outfit that day and met up at his place after work to decide what to do. Well...let's just say that this made me go back to my original idea I had had after the break-up: "NO RELATIONSHIPS OR SEX FOR ONE FULL YEAR!!!"

To sum it up, (1) me dressed super cute --heels and all (2) boy --NOT as cute as I remembered him after 5 beers playing video games sitting on the couch:

me: "so where do you want to go eat?"
him: "well...I went out for lunch...let's just eat here...I have some cereal above the fridge"
me: "oh...."

So I whored it up one last time, of course after finishing my Captain Crunch, and left. That night, for once (ok maybe the 4th time) in my life, I decided to make the right decision.: Focus on myself. I decided that I wouldn't date anyone for a year --no dating, no sex, no deep relationships with the opposite sex. For one full year.

That was February of 2008.